i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
