fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
