College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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