I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
