now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize