Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
