I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
