Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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