My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
