in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
