KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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