Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
