i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Four minutes until I can fart!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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