gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
