I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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