the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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