I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
