If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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