Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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