Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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