I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
