spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
