Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize