Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
