Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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