will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize