fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
