I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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