drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
