i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
