You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
