Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
