Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
