I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drunk is not a location!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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