He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
