don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
