Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We are two peas in an std pod
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
