I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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