I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
