Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
