both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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