Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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