I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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