nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
