plz talk dirty to me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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