K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
