he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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