so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
