i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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