he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
