Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
PANTIES FOUND
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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