yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
