our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
