Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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