Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
