Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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