dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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