I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
