I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
