Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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