there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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