Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
