Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
