He disabled his match.com account in front of me
kristin has been a bad kristin
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
