Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
